2023 has instilled a lot of hope in me, for some reason. I have finally begun to feel as though I can get past this pandemic-era. I mean not literally, as I'm sure this shit will rear it's ugly head again in different forms in the future. But it has taken years to simply crawl out of all of the effects of 2020. And I finally feel like I am reaching the edge of that cave.
It is a big week for me. I have a final interview for a job I truly want on Friday. And I really want to enjoy this time, this tantalizing time when you are in-between knowing if an opportunity is supposed to happen or not, and you can just dream and think of the best possible scenario. I miss dreaming. I don't want to put my life on hold anymore. I want to have good sex and go on awe-inspiring trips; and do more things that make me feel like me. That is all I've ever wanted.
I am also just very emotional and anxious. The guy I have been talking to has been silent, he is going through his own shit. So I will leave him alone. I have more important things to be consumed by, besides your cock, thank you. I get very emotional during these life moments, when it feels like you are on the precipice of something special. A new phase in life. Things have seemed stuck in sameness for so long, that feeling of possibility has drifted away from me. But I'm tired of self-sabotage, of using a state of jadedness as an excuse, like I am protecting myself from being naive. I want to be naive! I am only 29. There are so many beautiful moments that will form pieces of my life that I don't even know about yet.
This year I want to write. Get more tattoos. Write a script. Be more present. Nourish myself. Embrace love in all forms. Wholeheartedly lean into myself and my true needs. Support my own ideas, wishes, desires. And I don't need anyone else to fulfill these things but me.
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