I don't want to be jaded.

            I'd like to choose not to be, if possible.
            It is hard to be a young person in this particular society. Hell, it's hard to be a person in this particular society. Because there are all of these expectations poking and prodding at us with every move we make. And I don't mean the expectations to get an education, be successful, etc. (Although we're all fully aware that those are crushing too.) I'm talking about the things that we are seemingly predisposed to expect and not expect. We are in an age where we think we know everything, because we've been exposed to too much. We've had access to the internet for at least half of our lives, and it's really affected us. It isn't just the internet, maybe it's the evolution of us as a species, maybe it's the influence of the media in our lives in general; but something has changed over time. We've grown up too quickly. Correction: We think we've grown up too quickly. We think we know everything. The learning portion of this program (Our lives) is now over.
          And now you think you're so god damn smart because you've "figured it out". Life is a shit-show, nothing is ever going to turn out as planned, falling in love is a fairy tale, people will fuck you over multiple times and they could give less of a shit if they hurt you, expect a lot of pain, expect a lot of failure. The universe is constantly conspiring against you. It will do anything in it's power to make you unhappy. You have figured out your destiny.
          I don't believe in destiny (At least at this point in my life). I think we can use destiny as a crutch to give up. "This is never going to happen for me. I'm not supposed to be a happy person. Trying would be useless." I don't think you're born and your life is just mapped out for you. There are too many variables on this earth occurring and existing and vanishing all the time. Things you did too late and too soon, things you didn't do at all, things you didn't have the chance to do.
           I think that allowing yourself to believe you have it all figured out is you allowing yourself to become a coward. You're trying to protect your pride. I don't understand why pride has become this ultimate thing to maintain. Self-respect is one thing, but pride? We are so terrified of what people think of us and it stops us from doing what we really want to do ALL THE TIME. Maybe if you don't go for anything, and never take a chance, and never allow yourself to be vulnerable, and never let yourself falter; yes, you get to maintain your pride. But what about everything you give up?
            It's not like I don't believe that life can feel unbearably painful sometimes. Unbearably hopeless. I wouldn't consider my life packed to the brim with hardship, but I haven't been living in some deluded cake-walk either. Pain sucks. It is hell. It isn't pleasant to be crushed by agony. Every time it happens you can't believe you let it happen. Every time it happens you vow to yourself that you'll become more closed off, stop trying, stop believing.
          I really don't want to stop believing though, because I genuinely believe in a lot of things. I believe in things that aren't full of shit. I really fucking believe in that, because I live for those things. I don't believe in easy, but I do believe in simplicity. I believe in love in the purest way possible. I believe in staggering, all-encompassing, unimaginable love. The kind of love that takes every ounce of you without warning. I believe in people who aren't related becoming a family. I believe in genuinely being happy for someone. I believe in experiences that change your life forever. I believe in trust. I believe in relationships without judgement. I believe in the weight of emotions. I believe in good intentions. And I'm supposed to be an imbecile because I really believe in these things, but that isn't fair. I don't know why we've turned all of the positive things that life has to offer into a work of fiction. What are we preparing ourselves for? Why do we want to be so numb?
         I know that detrimental, destructive, and heartbreaking things happen. I do. Something falls into your lap and it makes perfect sense. Oh look, something good is actually going to happen to me. Okay...progress...hope...excitement...and then it doesn't happen. We've all been there multiple times; we will be there multiple more times. I'm sorry if it breaks you down; I'm not denying that it can be a real spirit breaker. But it doesn't mean that it's always going to be like that. There's still hope, because you're still breathing. For some unexplainable reason, you have been given more time to change things.
         I don't believe that good things happen to good people. I believe that good things simply happen to people. Don't expect for things to make sense; you're setting yourself up to be angry and frustrated when things don't happen the way you think they will. You don't know everything. You don't know anything. No one does. It's okay. Stop trying to define everything you experience; stop trying to fit them into boxes and definitions. You're exhausting yourself. Don't use the universe or fate or destiny as an excuse. You are here. You have air in your lungs. Rise to the occasion. Keep it moving. Make yourself proud.
         I don't know if I believe in a happy ending...maybe not the one were supposed to expect. Happiness is a tricky thing. Happiness is always going to be a tricky thing. But I believe in your happy ending. The one for you, the one that could make only you happy. Maybe I'll be on my death-bed and I'll never have fallen in love or never have published a book, but I'd like to think I'll still believe that those things are possible. I genuinely believe that extraordinary things can happen to people. Even if they never happen to me. I just do.