Highs.

             I know and understand emotional highs well. Highs are hard to manifest ourselves, and they aren't solely made up of monumental moments. The moments that feel the greatest for us aren't the ones we can actually predict or expect or create. I hate putting responsibility on "the universe" for good things happening, but many highs are created by external things, and external things are out of our control. I don't know if it's fate that controls when positive things happen to us. I think it's that, if we try to put any good into the world, it's going to come back to us somehow. It can come back in words, in actions, in our own realizations about ourselves. It comes back when we are told, verbally or wordlessly, that something we have done holds meaning to someone else. It's a reward for us trying to give or create something with compassionate and pure intent.
              Highs can be small things. Like when you hug one of your best friends, tell them "I love you.", and know you're communicating much more to them than just 3 words.When you're in a room sleeping in bunk beds with your step-siblings, 400 miles away from home, and you feel inexplicably safe. When you pull an all-nighter, stare out your window at the sunrise over the East River, and feel incredibly grateful you are where you are. Highs are always new and ever-changing. There are such an extraordinary amount of things that can give you this feeling, and the journey of discovering them is unpredictable. Although we appreciate them, unfortunately, the majority of them are fleeting. We try to hold onto a moment as tightly as possible, but we can feel it slipping away. We try to get all of the inspiration we can out of it, but we feel it's impact lessen and then disappear. Our mind resets, and wants us to pretend that moment never existed; leaving us hollow. The spark has left. It makes us want to search for the next moment to keep us hopeful, or content, or just "okay".  Any emotion that makes us want to keep trying. The real thing our mind wants is to find something big to anchor us. It wants to find stability, and at least begin to make a home in the world that we fantasize about. In what matters to us. In what gets our hearts and minds racing in the best way imaginable. We believe in, "One day, I will be able to fully and wholeheartedly live in my world. But right now, I have my mind, I have my motivations, and I have these small moments; and I will hold onto them and savor them regardless of how crazy it is that they bear so much meaning to me." We believe we can create our life, the one that is authentic to everything we stand for. We can't stop ourselves from having the chance to do so, when we know we have all of the potential to be able to. The potential lingers in the air, and we can't shut it down and destroy it before it tries. We can't take that chance away. We'd never be able to forgive ourselves.