The Yearbook.

                        Since my on-coming graduation is making me more thoughtful than usual(or rather, equally thoughtful,just concentrated on one subject as opposed to a million), I'm realizing that I'm going to need to do a succession of blog posts to fully understand all of this, the journal just doesn't seem appropriate right now. Sorry if you suffer through these..but maybe you'll like them:)
            I'm going to continue with the sadness thing I talked about yesterday. I never thought that it was going to hit me, but unfortunately something as simple as a yearbook made it happen. My best friend said that he knew it'd get to me eventually, but it didn't get to me in the conventional sense. I'm not going to miss High School, I know that. Even with 5 days left of school, I still dread going there every morning. Which is funny, because I thought that by now I'd be skipping through the hallways happily, knowing that I was finally getting what I wanted: to leave it behind me forever. Of course, the expectations I have for my emotions are never right. My head is far too complicated to allow myself to get off that easily...;)
              Back to what I was saying...I'm not going to miss High School, but I'm going to miss all of the things that I think I'm expected to miss. I'm going to miss things being comfortable and familiar. I've been with some of these people for 13 years and thinking of not being a part of my school anymore does give me a pang of sadness in my gut. I'm going to miss all of the good that High School brought to me-and I'm not talking about writing or finding out a lot about myself. I'm talking about the people that I was grateful to have met, and the experiences I was lucky to have had. There are some feelings that you can get only in High School, and I'm not talking about general feelings like happiness or euphoria. I'm talking about all of those feelings that aren't talked about, the ones that can feel like nothing else in this world; but they just don't have a name.
               Now every one's signing yearbooks, and it's driving me a little nuts. I feel like I'm the worst yearbook writer of all time. Which should be ironic because-HELLO, LOOK WHO IS UNHEALTHILY OBSESSED WITH WRITING-and yet maybe that's the problem, I over-think things too much. The other problem could also be that I have a horrible memory...(Didn't realize that until I started doing Senior memory assignments..this brain is clogged) I also haven't done this since 8th grade (Only Seniors get yearbooks in my school), so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I've been writing nice things about people, and I've been trying to remember specific moments and insiders we have together(But that bad memory usually stops that from happening) Yearbooks are supposed to be something you keep for the rest of your life, I don't want to be the girl who wrote something trite and impersonal. Well, whatever happens happens. I have 5 more days of yearbook signing to redeem myself (In my mind). You can't imagine how excited I am to read what people wrote to me. There is something about someone taking the time to write something to and about me that makes me feel phenomenal. So half of this is torture-and half(Maybe 75%..) is pure glee for me. The yearbook is something that can represent the good in High School for me personally, and that makes me happy. So, that's as far as I've gotten with this grieving (?) process. I'm still over-joyed about graduating though-there isn't a doubt in my mind about that.