Don't regret.

    I'm actually graduating. I have my yearbook, my cap and gown, and I have rehearsed graduation-this is actually happening. I thought by now the sadness would set in, but it hasn't..and I honestly don't think it's going to JUST KIDDING, sadness set in while I was reading my yearbook. I just can't believe my past 13 years of schooling with these people is over. I've been around the same people and surroundings for so long, and everything is going to change. I want the change, but it's crazy how drastic it's going to be. The familiar is going to be gone soon. I'm understanding how monumental this is.
         If you've read more than 3 posts on this blog, you've gotten an understanding that I am unhappy, and I don't like High School.  I'm sure I've said somewhere in here that High School is a place that strips you of your soul and makes you turn into somebody you aren't (Or something to that extent), but I don't actually believe that. At least not anymore. I've realized that High School is what you make of it. I've felt some regret since the ending of school has been approaching, but it isn't surprising to me. I think once you get toward the ending of anything, you think about what you regret. It feels like a bunch of little things, but it's more like one big regret of me wishing that High School could have made me happy like it did for other people. I wished (and still partly wish), that I was popular or outgoing, or that I partied every weekend; just petty things like that. And I think everyone is going to have at least a couple of regrets about how High School went for them. But I've realized quickly that I don't actually wish those things happened. Throughout my entire High School career, I stayed true to myself and what I wanted. I'm not meant to be the slutty girl, or the valedictorian, or the person who is friends with everyone; it just isn't me. I never forced myself to try and be something I wasn't, and although it didn't make the last two years the easiest for me, I just can't regret it. This was my High School experience, no one else's. It wasn't all smiles and rainbows, because that's never how it was meant to be for me. I had an incredible, interesting group of friends, and some really great experiences; and I appreciate every single one of them. I learned so much about myself, even if figuring all of it out was emotionally painful at times.
           I like who I am, I honestly do. Although I can get into the depths, and I'm more complicated then I'd like to be; at least I know who I am and at least I know I want to use my presence in this world to do something good for people. I'm happy about the person I've become-even though she's partly psychotic.
             And the funny thing is, I don't think there are many people more excited than I am to graduate and start my future. I have to consciously hold in my excitement around people, because I don't want the be the euphoric bastard who is so excited to leave here. And I am genuinely excited about leaving, this is no facade. High School didn't make me happy, so I want to move onto the next thing that will. When you have a great High School experience, I'm sure moving on to college and the real world seems terrifying. And I'm not saying this in a cocky way either, because at least the people who were happy already were able to experience happiness as a young adult; I have no idea what the future holds for me- whether it be continuing depression or euphoria.
         So for anyone that is a Senior, or is an underclassman not liking how things are going, or anyone simply feeling disappointment in how life has gone for them-stop regretting. High School doesn't define you or your life-no time period does. If you have always stayed true to what you genuinely want, then you were never wrong. If you haven't been, then start acting on what you want now, and take that trait into the future with you. Stick with your gut and what feels right, and use everything as a learning experience regardless of what happens. In whatever you choose to do with your life, always make sure you're doing it for yourself.