Pressure.

I drive myself crazy with the pressure I put on myself. It's always been like this, there has always been that force weighing down on me, for as long as I can remember. High School has just illuminated that pressure for me,and the past year has made it almost unbearable. All I do is think. I'm constantly thinking about what I should be doing, as opposed to the things I spend my time on. Right now, I should be immersing myself in finding the right college for myself and practicing so I can get my license. I have done little of these things all Summer, because i'm too afraid of the stress it's going to bring to me. If there is any outside force of pressure trying to get me to do these things, it's my dad. He thinks i'm just lazy and procrastinating, but he doesn't realize that i'm too overwhelmed with other things in my life to dedicate myself to these tasks. All I think about is my writing, and my happiness. I'm consumed by these things, and until I feel like I have them under control and understand what i'm going to do with myself to be happy, it's extremely difficult for me to focus on anything else. I just want to do something with my life. Something meaningful. I hate what my life is supposed to be focused on, I hate having to do these things because i'm a teenager. I just want to figure out what I need to do to be happy. So badly. Why is everything so complicated when i'm so young? Why are our lives automatically filled with bullshit because we're in High School? Why does everyone expect so much from us, when we haven't even been able to find ourselves yet? No one gets it. They don't know how much runs through our head in one day. I don't want to be a part of any of this, but at the same time it stresses me out more than anything. I can't break myself away from it, because this is my life; and I can't just escape it. Does anyone else want to do much more with their life, but feels like they are stuck because they're in High School? I know eventually this stage in my life will be over, but I can't just wait it out. I can't try to make myself content with this when i'm not. I just need to get myself together.
If only it were that easy.