Being jaded.

             I'm sure this is not an uncommon concept to you. I think a lot of us have become professionals at being jaded before we were even legal adults. This state of mind has caused some turmoil in my life, and it wasn't just because of my own mentality. Relationships can be really hard when you can't help but deeply care about things and the people you care about seem to give a shit about nothing.
             But I'm also not impervious to this, as you can see from my previous blog post. Sometimes it is so much easier to say fuck everything, because it all can start to seem like a joke. The world is out to get you, nothing is ever going to happen for you, people just want to take advantage of you and hurt you. No one wants to do anything of substance with their lives, people just care about money and power. Everything's purpose is to ruin you. It's bad; it's really bad. It isn't fair either, because as many malicious and detrimental things can occur in the world, in our cities, and in our homes; there is still so much good out there. So much. Youth is something that can really screw you over, because all you want is to figure things out as soon as possible, so we begin to write things off that we don't like. It's easier to hate things than to try and understand them. We say "Fuck everyone, and fuck our parents, and even fuck our friends." Hate is easy. It isn't good for you, but it's easy.
             We become jaded because were tired. Of things not working out. Failing is something that helps the path to 'completely indifferent being' move along. And it isn't even huge, blatant failures, it's the little things. It's the things we told ourselves we would do that we didn't do, and every time we don't we start to lose a little faith in ourselves. We easily think we are spiraling, or that things we want to do will never happen.
             We also become jaded because feeling is hard. Emotions? They are the worst. They make you care and hurt, and feel vulnerable and unsure. Investing in people, in our dreams, in ourselves; this is all far too much. Not feeling is easier.
             Let's just glide by. Let's not leave a mark. We will be ghosts. Let's not try to inspire. Let's just get by.
             Well...no. We can't do that. It's not possible. You're not allowed. We don't realize how much our attitude impacts people. Or more severely, how it pulls us deeper and deeper into being someone we don't deserve to become. We can slip into the mindset that not feeling is easier, therefore we should do it. But we can't allow ourselves to turn into nothing. We have to invest in things. We have to fight for things. You have to care, you just do. You're capable, you're more than capable. You have to stay in the fight; it isn't time to quit yet (Spoiler alert: there will never be a time where you should quit.) Life can be damn hard sometimes, and we can allow ourselves to just shut down for awhile; or for longer than awhile, because there can be so many things trying to influence us at once. The media, our role models, our parents, our friends, our teachers, ourselves. The voice inside of us that is nagging us not to fuck up can carry a lot of weight. It can all start to feel overwhelming, and sometimes like a sham. It is easy for us to think we have figured it all out, that we have revealed the curtain on the world, and the big secret is that all it wants is to make you give up. It isn't designed to help you succeed.
               Care about people who are good to you, care about yourself and your worth, care about the things that make you come alive. You can never have those incredible highs if you don't go after them. And don't pretend that you don't want them. They are amazing, and they are worth it. They are not something that can be calculated or expected, and that is why they are so astonishing. Authenticity can seem like a very blurry concept; but it's still out there. You have to believe that it exists, and that you can create it within yourself.
              The world is beautiful. Stop belittling it. You are the only one in your way.