Take things as they are.

                       Sometimes, I wish I just felt things because of simple reasons. I wish I didn't wake up anxious, or angry, or hopeless, for no reason. I know that the majority of these feelings aren't my fault, but although realizing that has made me feel better about myself-it doesn't lessen their impact. My mind enjoys and is inclined to figure things out, if that isn't obvious. The fact that I feel such intense feelings because of things like being unfulfilled, confuses the shit out of me, and has for the past 2 years. My head likes cause and effect. I feel blank because blank happened- this is what makes figuring things out easier, having a cause. I guess I wasn't meant to have things make sense. I've always been meant to have a challenge (whether that's a good thing or not is to be determined). But there's nothing I can do about it. I am complicated. I feel things and I don't understand why. I do things and I don't understand why. I care about things with such a passion-and I don't understand why. I think a lot of us feel this way though; we feel things and can't figure out the reason for them. That's what being young is supposed to be about. Nothing making sense and trying to figure ourselves out. Although the two concepts don't go well together, that's how it's supposed to be. It's meant to be hard and conflicting. Growing up is an important time period-we've never been supposed to treat it like it's a walk in the park. Maybe we should stop trying to make things make sense. Maybe we should stop trying to make things into something else, and take them as they are. Ourselves, and the way we feel, and the people around us-maybe we should stop trying to force these things into being something simpler and more normal; and accept them for what they are.
          I know that I write because I enjoy trying to figure things out- but I'm not a psychologist, nor a brain surgeon. There are many things of the human mind that just aren't meant to be understood. The complication in our lives and in our minds, is what makes us who we are; what makes us human, what makes us special. Sometimes, I wouldn't trade it for the world.