I love you guys. That's actually an understatement. Words could never express how I feel about you four. You saved me from turning into the negative, jaded teenager I was almost destined to become. In the past year, I went into emotional places that I never wanted to go, but just knowing that you four existed made me know I would be okay. I can't believe I just cried at the end of this episode. I'm not a crier. This is what you guys do to me.
You made me into this. You're the reason I don't focus on reality, but just on my dreams. Being so focused on accomplishing my dreams can make my life difficult at times, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I used to be so good at manipulating people to make myself feel as though I had power; that is what used to make me feel good. Not anymore. All I want to do with my life is make others feel good. I can't feel happy with myself if I'm purposely trying to hurt some one's feelings anymore. That part of me is gone. And although I get shit for it because people think it's me being a pushover, or afraid, or whatever; that's just not it. If I can prevent anyone from feeling bad, even if I'm only with them for a few moments, I'm going to do it. I don't care if someone is a complete stranger. I'm not contributing to the negativity in this world, because there is enough of it already. And this is because of you guys. You've shown me that being a good person is completely worth it, even when you're not getting a pat on the back for every good deed you do. It feels so much better when you're not trying so hard to make people perceive you as good; it feels so much more real. The bullshit in me, is gone. Hiding behind a facade of personality traits that aren't me, is exhausting and worthless. Trying to make people believe they should trust me, or like me, or laugh at my jokes, has been over for a long time. I just live, and I'm trying to do the best I can. Who knows if I'm actually a good person, but at least I'm trying. I get angry, I get hopeless, I snap at people and feel terrible about myself for doing so. It can get frustrating, wondering if I'm ever going to actually do something great with my life. If I'm going to be able to reach the amount of people that I want to. But you boys make it a lot easier to believe that I can do it.
Not that I'm anywhere close to how amazing you are. I can honestly say that it still astonishes me that people as incredible as you exist. You all have hearts of gold, and I could never thank you enough for persevering to get yourselves to where you are right now. The amount of people you have been able to impact positively, is RIDICULOUS. I hope you understand what a powerful positive force you have been on our generation.
All I can say is that I love you all so much. There's a rare chance you'll read this, but maybe somehow I'll be able to get you to. I'd love to meet you someday-like a million other people on this planet;)-and can't wait for it to happen. Because I just know eventually it will, I'm not going to die happy if I don't meet you boys, that's a fact. But there's no rush, I've got time;) <3
So, hopefully I'm articulating the way a lot of us feel about these guys. I just feel really strongly about them, and maybe I sound like I'm over-reacting, but I don't care. When something's truly important to you, you don't give a shit about what any one's opinion is on it. That's the truth.
Love to all, and here's hoping for a 3rd season!
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